2012!! The end of my psycosis life.

I have always had difficulty in finding my merits.

Sure, when you ask other people what kind of person I am, they'll probably describe me as 'angel that came from high up in the sky', nice, pretty and kind--bla-bla-bla-bla [boring]

But when I look at myself, I see... well...anything but all those nice and warm things that people said. 

I asked bountiful of friends concerning their opinion on me... I can tell when my friends are lying to me... and that is why I deduced an ultimate conclusion.

My friends see me as this:                                                 While I, see myself as this:

Sometimes, I wondered. Why a certain people like me (get real! majority of people are...)  unable to actually satisfy with what they got? Why do we seek more? Isn't what Allah has given us are enough?

I was born with perfect pair of hands and feet. Functional, yet average-intelligent brain. I'm still breathing.

I have parent who adores me. I have many friends who I hang out with. I have Allah, Rasulullah and Islam that I prioritise as my belief. I SHOULD BE HAPPY.

Still, when I got back to my room, putting my schoolbag on the corner of the room, perform my prayers...alone... I kept on getting absorbed into this parallel thoughts that always putting my mind and my confidence down. 'It' pushed my mind to think that what I do and what I got is never enough. So, in the end, I often compared myself with anyone who is better than me. I always tried my best and when I failed, I felt like a total scum. What kind of sickness is this?

One will never know.

HOWEVER! 2012 is here and January is almost over. I need to change my perspective on life. Yeah, yeah. I talked too much about my 'perspective on life'. How to achieve, well, I'll wait and see. If I find it. Insya-Allah. I'll share it with you. 

Love.